All of the sudden, things have gotten very strange around here. We have finally come out of the closet that we think Jim's illness is Gulf War Illness. We feel that we are getting a run-around from the VA. We feel that the government has let us down in a very big and serious way. I think this is what people who suffer identity theft must feel like. It is disgusting that the person who has suffered the injury has to do all the legwork to make sure restitution is made. The government knows what went on, and they won't admit fault. There were vaccines given that were documented as Vaccine 1 and Vaccine 2. What is that all about? I just read an article that says some of the vaccines given were experiments. Didn't the government learn anything from the Tuskegee experiments? We don't do that to human beings. Period.

Not only am I feeling raw and betrayed, but I, and we, have to deal with people who think that GWI is a lie and a farce. That, too, is like believing in Santa Claus - some do, some don't. I can say, without equivocation that something is very wrong with my husband. He is not the same person, physically, that he was even five years ago. He used to be able to work for hours and still play with the kids. Now, the can't get through any work without needing a nap. When people call and ask for him, and he is sleeping, I just tell them that he is out of the house. If I do say that he is sleeping in the middle of the day, I get a lot of very rude comments. People think he is lazy, slovenly, depressed, etc. He is none of those things. He is sick.

I have to admit that even I didn't want to admit it for a long time. After my last post, I was contacted by someone who is very involved with the fight to get diagnosis and treatment for GWI. She's heard this story from hundreds, if not thousands, of people since 1993. She has pointed me in the direction of articles that have left me numb. I told her that we feel like we are out in the wilderness screaming and no one can hear us. There is an Advisory Committee meeting regarding GWI in Washington, DC at the beginning of May. We won't be going, but we are certainly going to try to submit some testimony.

Even writing this is making me feel paranoid. Am I flagging myself as a malcontent? Will all of this come back to bite me in the behind? I know that the Pentagon, State Dept., CIA, Dept. of Defense all know what happened. Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, George Bush senior, and GW all know. If they do not own up to their complicity in harming thousands of people's lives before they die, I hope they twist in the pain and agony they have caused for eternity.

There. If that doesn't bring the NSA to my door, I guess I'm not doing my job right.