Day 2

I didn't do any cleaning or sorting today because I had to go grocery shopping. That was enough to wipe me out. Since my knee is still ouchie from tripping over the dog, it took me forever to limp all over Olean. I did buy plastic sleeves for the portfolios, though. I will be cleaning the school bookshelf this weekend, and getting quite a bit of the portfolios done at the same time.

I also plan on tackling the kitchen counter to see if I can reduce the mess there. This coming week is supposed to be very nice, weatherwise, so I will be able to do a bunch of laundry to get the winter stuff put into proper bins, get my curtains and bedding all washed and sun bleach some garbage cans.

For now, it's bed! The dogs will be up in a few hours to go out. I wish I could just open the door and let them go, but I'm not sure they would come back. Past experience has made me very flinchy. Only a few more days of bundling up (I hope!).

Lent

I gave up on being a Catholic years ago. There are so many things that I just don't agree with regarding the Church, that I decided it was better to leave all together than to be a giant, raging hypocrite. So, here we are, another Lenten season upon us, and I have a strange lost sort of feeling about not giving anything up. The truth is, I don't want to give up anything. I am stressed out all the time, so having the added stress of a sacrifice that is supposed to make me stronger seems absurd. Years ago, the priest at my parent's church said that one doesn't necessarily have to give something up, one could instead do something that would make her or him stronger or better in some way. So, with that in mind, here is what I want to do over the next 38 days of Lent: I want to get my house straightened up. I want to have it clean and organized. I want it to not look like such a dump all the time. This is going to take A LOT of work, but it gives me a goal. I am going to get rid of all of the clothing that doesn't fit anyone, get rid of the garbage and just generally dig out of the mess. I'll keep you all posted on the progress.

I'm Baa-aaa-ck!

At least I hope I am. My life has been kind of crazy, but not so crazy at the same time. Mostly, I just keep my head down and keep my shoulder to the grindstone. Since I last wrote, a lot of crappy things have happened. On September 12, my beloved mother-in-law passed away very suddenly - while I was on the phone with her. Seriously. It was horrible, and the aftermath was stressful and ugly, but has since calmed down. Then, on September 18, my beloved dog, Darkside, walked out of my life. Literally. The dog we kept in the sheep barn got loose and he and Darkside left to do whatever it is dogs do. September was not a good month, to say the very least.

The holidays were stressful and completely unfun. I couldn't wait to get Christmas over with and get the new year started. This year couldn't possibly be as bad as the end of last year, right? The jury is still out. This winter has been very hard on all of us, especially Jim. I hope the weather gets better very soon so that we can put some food in the ground and get going on the things that make us happy.

I am knitting, though. That's a constant. I finished four projects last week! I started a new project today - a design by my friend Lobug of Lobug Designs. She is awesome and I can't wait to really get into this cowl. I also started a counted cross stitch project. It's (hopefully) going to be a Christmas gift for Elias. Therefore, it must remain a secret. Shhh!

Henry has become a completely crazy three year old. He loves dinosaurs, Little Critter and the marble run. He eats like a horse and is as big as a four year old. He's also my sweet little baby who just melts my heart. Thank God for little Henry.

Jacob and Elias are growing into fine young men. I can't believe that Jacob will be 15! Eeek! Time flies. For all of you with wee little ones, enjoy every single day with them. Time passes so quickly, and then their voices change and they have little mustaches and they are grown up. It's like the "Love You Forever" book that just makes me sob buckets thinking about it.

Anna is a sweet young lady who loves reading, horses and reading about horses. She also paints, writes and plays a mean game of Battleship. She's going to give boys a run for their money, for sure!

Then, there is Noah. He is amazing! He is doing such awesome work for school. He is doing late 3rd grade math, reads on a 4th grade level, is a really good speller and loves anything to do with animals. He's also very quick-witted and funny. I couldn't be happier that we are homeschooling him. I don't think he ever would have grown as much as he has if he had gone to school.

There. All caught up. Now, if I can remember to do this a little more often, we'll be in business.

Our New Garden

Another year of gardening has begun! We got the onions and the peas in today. Last year, Jim bought a seeder to make planting the beans, peas, corn, etc. quicker and easier. I will tell you that thing is worth its weight in gold! I got eight 25 ft. rows of peas planted in less than five minutes. Sweet!



Tomorrow, we will start planting the 250 strawberry plants that came two weeks ago. Here is the lovely plot where they will go.



We will put the potatoes in in a couple of weeks, and the rest of the garden at the end of the month. I am so excited and hopeful for this year's garden!

One Baby Step Closer

We now have clear and absolute proof that Jim is not crazy. We went to a rheumatologist today who made it clear that Jim does actually have a connective tissue disorder. More blood tests were taken to determine, if possible, what he actually has.

I cannot express the feeling of relief that I have that a doctor has finally acknowledged the fact that Jim is truly sick. It was music to my ears to hear the doctor say that Jim is a relatively young man (43), and men of his age just don't get this sort of illness EXCEPT FOR THE MILITARY VETERANS he has seen. This might not make everything okay, but we think that it is a pretty good start.

All of the sudden, things have gotten very strange around here. We have finally come out of the closet that we think Jim's illness is Gulf War Illness. We feel that we are getting a run-around from the VA. We feel that the government has let us down in a very big and serious way. I think this is what people who suffer identity theft must feel like. It is disgusting that the person who has suffered the injury has to do all the legwork to make sure restitution is made. The government knows what went on, and they won't admit fault. There were vaccines given that were documented as Vaccine 1 and Vaccine 2. What is that all about? I just read an article that says some of the vaccines given were experiments. Didn't the government learn anything from the Tuskegee experiments? We don't do that to human beings. Period.

Not only am I feeling raw and betrayed, but I, and we, have to deal with people who think that GWI is a lie and a farce. That, too, is like believing in Santa Claus - some do, some don't. I can say, without equivocation that something is very wrong with my husband. He is not the same person, physically, that he was even five years ago. He used to be able to work for hours and still play with the kids. Now, the can't get through any work without needing a nap. When people call and ask for him, and he is sleeping, I just tell them that he is out of the house. If I do say that he is sleeping in the middle of the day, I get a lot of very rude comments. People think he is lazy, slovenly, depressed, etc. He is none of those things. He is sick.

I have to admit that even I didn't want to admit it for a long time. After my last post, I was contacted by someone who is very involved with the fight to get diagnosis and treatment for GWI. She's heard this story from hundreds, if not thousands, of people since 1993. She has pointed me in the direction of articles that have left me numb. I told her that we feel like we are out in the wilderness screaming and no one can hear us. There is an Advisory Committee meeting regarding GWI in Washington, DC at the beginning of May. We won't be going, but we are certainly going to try to submit some testimony.

Even writing this is making me feel paranoid. Am I flagging myself as a malcontent? Will all of this come back to bite me in the behind? I know that the Pentagon, State Dept., CIA, Dept. of Defense all know what happened. Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, George Bush senior, and GW all know. If they do not own up to their complicity in harming thousands of people's lives before they die, I hope they twist in the pain and agony they have caused for eternity.

There. If that doesn't bring the NSA to my door, I guess I'm not doing my job right.

One Chullo Down

I finished this hat in about a week and a half. It was so much fun to knit. I learned how to do two-strand colorwork when I did some test knitting for a designer friend of mine. It took me five months to do her test. You can see that my speed has improved a bit. I had to do some fiddling with the i-cord edging. Since my spatial relationship skills are horrible, I had to start the i-cord from both sides, when it is supposed to go all the way around. If you look really hard, you can see all of the mistakes. I also have lots of ends to weave in. On the next hat, I will just knit the ends in to save time. I am researching a book called 1000 Great Knitting Motifs for the next hat. I am geekily into this!


On the non-knitting front, there is a lot going on that I will probably be writing quite a bit about in the future. My husband has been suffering from what we believe is Gulf War Illness for several years now. Lately, it has gotten really bad. He is sore and exhausted all the time. We keep getting ridiculous answers from the VA. They keep trying to tell him that he is getting older, so some aches and pains are bound to creep in. He's only 43! Hell, I'm almost 40, and I hardly get any sleep, but I'm able to get through my day, play with the kids, do school, etc., without needing to sleep for a couple of hours between activities! The VA was instructed back in the '90s to diagnose all of the Gulf War Vets with PTSD, instead of owning up to the fact that they poisoned the troops who were there. It's a very long story, and I am shocked and disgusted at what I have found out. Please keep him and our family in your prayers.